Monday, 8 November 2010

Countdown To Launch

Hi. Just a quick intro as Tim is going to go first and give his enigmatic approach to describing how he put together his short film Coffee, then I will give you the low down on what we’re up to. 

As Tim would say, lumpy (that means good, apparently).

Tim - How to Make Coffee

1 x cafetiere
1 x grinder
1 x kettle
1 x jar of coffee beans
1 x cup/saucer
1 x video camera
1 x spot light
1 x tripod
1 x John Chadwick
1 x Tim Marshall


1.) Take a John Chadwick and a Tim Marshall and place them in a room with the rest of the ingredients. Finely chop a good bunch of tunes and mix in plenty of rolled up cigarettes.

2.) Put the kettle on.

3.) Preheat the camera to 1080p and point it where the caffeine is.

4.) Meanwhile, add four spoons of coffee beans to the grinder and activate while shaking so as to avoid scorching the coffee grounds.

5.) Drizzle generously with spotlight.

6.) Pour the coffee grounds into the cafetiere, and add three inches of freshly boiled water. Swirl the mix round, and allow to bloom for thirty seconds before topping up with water.

7.) Insert press and depress.

8.) Zoom, pan and cup.

9.) Combine the whole mix in iMovie HD and slice repeatedly.

10.) Add a generous dollop of music and sprinkle with story.



Hello again, if you are still reading.

Apologies that it has been a bit of awhile since we have put a posting up as we have been real busy with performance nights etc. over the last few weeks so we basically took a few days off to recharge our batteries.

But now we are back and getting closer and closer to the 10th of December and our launch and man we are getting well excited!

This week we are going to go through all the stuff you guys as contributions to the zine and I tell you it is going to be hard to pick the final line up as all the stuff we have received has been great in their own unique way. We are definitely going to try and get as much in there as possible and may even add a few more pages to accommodate more content but we do want to say a big thank you to all the people who have sent us stuff, you are grand.

I don’t think I have mentioned it yet but the one piece of work who will defo be in is a piece by Jo Colley, who is our chosen guest contributor for this issue. We all really admire her poetry and general positive and friendly attitude which has been an inspiration to all three of us.

As stated previously we will continue to invite people to write something for the zine as part of subsequent issues, unless people tell us to bog off. And then we’ll just impersonate them. Alan Moore will be in the next one (ha! As if..).

As another taster for what is going to go in the zine, below are two stories which I have written for Vol 2 and I would like you guys to tell me which one you think is the best and should go in.
Again, please, please, please, pleasepleasepleaseplease! give us some feedback. I must admit I was a little sad that no one has given us any comments about the draft art work but hey ho but I definitely want your views on these two pieces:


You love me.

I know by the way you stare out at me, day after day, night after night, always there since that afternoon six months ago when you stopped and truly saw me.

Do you have a job? A family? A home? Possibly in the early days, when you only came to look at me at lunch time, evenings and weekends. But not now. Now you hardly ever move from that spot outside the large glass window that separates us.

You lust for me.

I can tell by the way you lick your chaffed lips and how your left hand descends to your lower regions when you catch a glimpse of me naked, when they change my clothes to suit the changing seasons and latest fashions.

How many times have they tried to chase you away from me? How many times have you escaped followed by cries of, “pervert”, “freak” and “weirdo”? Still you always return. In the early and late hours, when you are safe to be with me.

You covert me.

I see it in the tears you smear across the glass which separates us, smudging its surface. You used to cry only when you had to leave me but now you do it all the time, bursting into sobs as you watch the light shift and alter across my perfect brown surface, red lips and blue eyes.

You’ve lost weight. You’re not eating or drinking properly. You relieve yourself when the pain becomes too much. You used to duck out of sight, ashamed that you are unable to match my endless gaze, not wanting me to see your weakness.

Now, you just soil yourself on the spot, occasionally emitting a low grunt of shame and pleasure.

You need me.

I witness it when you let out a violent scream, rip off a piece of metal from a dustbin and with your bleeding hands smash it into the glass encasing me.

Alarms shriek as you stumble over the broken shards, kicking over my fallen sisters and take me into your arms. You press your dirty, hairy mouth against my cold, hard lips.

You pick me up and run, leaving my left arm and legs behind in the wreckage.

Sirens wail and chase us.

Angela and Adam

Angela was having a good time, despite her jet lag. The restaurant was fairly busy, and the food was not bad and she had particularly enjoyed her synthetic, fat free steak.

Adam had picked the wine. A good choice, which had not only complimented their meal but also given a sensual edge to the evening and his voice as he described the local clubs and bars in the area. Probably not tonight. She had an important meeting in the morning, which meant an early start.

“Now, maybe we should partake of some jazz tonight. There are two places we could try, if you’re in the mood? There is the Nite Owl which is just off the High Street, their cocktails were described in Time Out as incandescent, then there is Smokies…”

Something about Adam’s voice irked Angela. She had not noticed before how his voice rose as he finished his sentences, making him sound slightly effeminate. Angela pulled out her pda and pressed the pause button. Adam stopped mid sentence.

She played with the voice controls and lowered his voice a fraction. She pressed play and he launched back into his patter, his smile widening as he ran through various reviews and recommendations.

As she listened and drained her wine, Angela looked around the room. There were a number of other women with the same basic Adam Template as her. A few even had the latest David and Darren Templates. Still, she flattered herself that the modifications she had made to her own over the years reflected a rare subtly.

It was in her Adam’s imperfections, that Angela was most proud. How his hairline was receding a touch, that his teeth weren’t perfect and how that she managed to disable most of the cross selling and advertising functions hard wired into his programming.

No more updates on the latest Template software and hardware enhancements over breakfast. No more pointing out of sales and promotions at nearby department stores and shops as they wandered arm in arm through the various towns and cities they visited through her work. It had a cost a lot of money and wasn’t exactly legal. But it had been worth it.

“Now, if we really want to tear the night up we should go to Dorcia. Big band and easy listening on the top floor, hard house and techno in the basement. Accept no substitutes, according to the Observer on Sunday...”
Angela was tired and dreading her meeting in the morning. She turned Adam’s voice off and they sat in silence for a few moments as they waited for the bill. Adam paid for it with the money she had given him and as they left his wireless connection had already ordered them a taxi.

On cue, he kissed her full on the mouth outside the restaurant. She never got over the sweet, sugary taste of his lips. Maybe she would add a hint of cinnamon during the drive back to the hotel.

As stated we’ve done a fair bit of travelling to open mic/performance nights and I recently had my car broken into and the fxxkers even took the lead for my MP3 player! So I have been listening to a bunch of CDs I have had under the bed for eons and have been listening to quite a lot of old favourites, which include the following:

If you want a sexy, guitar driven romps, then this is the album for you. I’ve been lucky enough to see these guys live at ATP and made an inappropriate remark to my wife about how I would have liked to have take Karen O home with me and kept her in our wardrobe. She properly punched me in the face. I deserved it.

Big Black – Various

I love Steve Albini. Again, I’d love to keep him in a wardrobe but he frightens me and I think it would just make me nervous. I dug out a couple of their albums and when you feel like going to sleep and you’re driving down the dark and lonely, accept no substitutes.

It seems right somehow that their stuff (and the Shellac records) is not on spotify, given Abini’s hate for all things digital. Below is a link to them playing ‘Kerosene’ live. I am so glad I didn’t have this when I was a teenager, it would have given me ideas.

The Tuss – Rushup Bank

I love Richard D James i.e. Aphex Twin. You can guess the rest. It involves a wardrobe. This is one of his pseudonym projects and as far as I am aware a one off. Do buy it as again it ain’t on spotify (but it is on youtube).

Right. So, I’ll be looking forward to your feedback on the stories and fairly soon we’ll be sending an ‘event’ via facebook to people about the launch on the 10th of December.

10th of December.

Friday the 10th of December at the Python Gallery in Middlesbrough.

Make sure you are there, or I will cry. Then I will kill. And it will be your fault.

1 comment:

  1. Even if I wasn't already coming up for the launch, I'd have been swayed by the Big Black footage - killer song, played with ball-busting intensity. I absolutely fucking love it.